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[At first Abbacchio opens his mouth like he's going to interrupt with some other point, but he thinks better of it. And when he shuts up and listens, he reaches the same conclusion anew for each of Bruno's points; he's still right. They're all falling apart in different directions, himself included, and they do still perpetuate Bruno's place among them as the leader and the fixer. That doesn't shine a flattering light on any of them to hear Bruno say it himself, but that...
Saying it himself is the point. Abbacchio shifts his weight and leans back against the railing as he listens in silence, and he thinks it's lucky, in a backwards way, that it's him standing here instead of one of the others. Abbacchio already knows their family is a mess, even if he's arrived at the right conclusion in the wrong way.
And more importantly--Abbacchio isn't going to apologize or try to defend them. They've all done it, so why act otherwise now? He shrugs, hands palm-up, shaking his head.]
We're a pack of bastards with bad habits-- that's what we've always been. You're not wrong about us. But what you've always done doesn't apply anymore because you died and now things have to change, if you'd actually let them. How the hell can you tell me things aren't the way they were and then insist on doing the same shit you always do?
[Does that make any fucking sense because please, enlighten him if it does. Everything is different now in ways no one, Bruno included, was prepared to deal with, and Bruno isn't excluded from the fallout. This adjustment period is difficult enough without adding that to the mix.
He shifts his shoulders again, tense; there's something else that bothers him about this insistence that Bruno has to keep them together-- that they're all woefully inadequate for the job of keeping Giorno together too. It's not petty, though. It's not. But he looks steadily straight ahead and away from Bruno anyway, as it's not the easiest point to bring up.]
You can't take care of things for us-- for Giorno and Mista if they ever get out of here and go home. And Mista won't do it, [a slight tilt of his head; yeah that's true, Mista is too up Giorno's ass all the time-] so sooner or later Giorno has to deal with his own shit without your help.
[Giorno taking charge in Napoli is not Abbacchio's primary concern, but if they're talking about how Bruno feels some responsibility to lead them even if it's only in subtle ways--well. Stop it, for fuck's sake, since it's led to this. And from what vague details Abbacchio picked up from Izabel just earlier tonight, he's starting to think,] Giorno can't get his act together because you're letting him let you do his job for him.
[That isn't moving forward.]
Saying it himself is the point. Abbacchio shifts his weight and leans back against the railing as he listens in silence, and he thinks it's lucky, in a backwards way, that it's him standing here instead of one of the others. Abbacchio already knows their family is a mess, even if he's arrived at the right conclusion in the wrong way.
And more importantly--Abbacchio isn't going to apologize or try to defend them. They've all done it, so why act otherwise now? He shrugs, hands palm-up, shaking his head.]
We're a pack of bastards with bad habits-- that's what we've always been. You're not wrong about us. But what you've always done doesn't apply anymore because you died and now things have to change, if you'd actually let them. How the hell can you tell me things aren't the way they were and then insist on doing the same shit you always do?
[Does that make any fucking sense because please, enlighten him if it does. Everything is different now in ways no one, Bruno included, was prepared to deal with, and Bruno isn't excluded from the fallout. This adjustment period is difficult enough without adding that to the mix.
He shifts his shoulders again, tense; there's something else that bothers him about this insistence that Bruno has to keep them together-- that they're all woefully inadequate for the job of keeping Giorno together too. It's not petty, though. It's not. But he looks steadily straight ahead and away from Bruno anyway, as it's not the easiest point to bring up.]
You can't take care of things for us-- for Giorno and Mista if they ever get out of here and go home. And Mista won't do it, [a slight tilt of his head; yeah that's true, Mista is too up Giorno's ass all the time-] so sooner or later Giorno has to deal with his own shit without your help.
[Giorno taking charge in Napoli is not Abbacchio's primary concern, but if they're talking about how Bruno feels some responsibility to lead them even if it's only in subtle ways--well. Stop it, for fuck's sake, since it's led to this. And from what vague details Abbacchio picked up from Izabel just earlier tonight, he's starting to think,] Giorno can't get his act together because you're letting him let you do his job for him.
[That isn't moving forward.]
[That isn't a fair thing to say that Bruno is letting Giorno do anything. Or it doesn't feel like a fair thing to say because it's not true. Not entirely.]
[Sure, there are times in which Bruno lets Giorno lean on him. Those moments are not often because Giorno tries to keep his vulnerabilities to himself and both of them recognize fostering that sort of dependency won't do anyone any good in the long run. Bruno knows that and doesn't try to linger or create more instances in which they fall into old habits. But when they come up, Bruno allows for it to happen and so does Giorno.]
[Some of it is selfish in its own way. Bruno doesn't know how to be anything but the leader and the fixer. It's all he's ever been even before Passione. And now... Now sometimes it feels like the only thing he has left. He doesn't have a life or a future to speak of, but he can still help in some capacity. But he also knows that Giorno is missing someone else that's important that would take the space Bruno's temporarily and infrequently occupying. Selfishness aside, Bruno can't simply turn his kindness off. He can't look the other way when someone is blatantly suffering and in need.]
[But other times...]
[Bruno steps closer to Abbacchio.]
It's not that simple and straightforward. Sometimes maybe I do let him rely on me too much. I try not to because I don't mind doing things his way or following his lead, but we both make mistakes in trying to figure what's going to work long-term and what isn't. But letting him let me take the responsibility doesn't account for everything.
Do you really think he and I had a nice chat after you arrived? We argued, Abbacchio, because he deliberately told you what happened and he only told you so much so I'd have to tell the rest. He knew how you'd react--that you'd blame him and get too pissed off to be around him--and he knew I couldn't just let you slip away from the rest of us.
[He holds up a hand.]
If you really want to make the argument that you would have come around eventually on your own while by yourself, or maybe you might have given the time of day to Giorno long enough to try and make it work, and I should have just stayed out of it completely, fine. Maybe you would have if I stayed out of it.
[Bruno doesn't really believe it. It would have taken some form of prodding from Bruno to move Abbacchio along and who knows how much time he'd really need to dig his heels in.]
But I would never risk you on a maybe, Abbacchio.
[Sure, there are times in which Bruno lets Giorno lean on him. Those moments are not often because Giorno tries to keep his vulnerabilities to himself and both of them recognize fostering that sort of dependency won't do anyone any good in the long run. Bruno knows that and doesn't try to linger or create more instances in which they fall into old habits. But when they come up, Bruno allows for it to happen and so does Giorno.]
[Some of it is selfish in its own way. Bruno doesn't know how to be anything but the leader and the fixer. It's all he's ever been even before Passione. And now... Now sometimes it feels like the only thing he has left. He doesn't have a life or a future to speak of, but he can still help in some capacity. But he also knows that Giorno is missing someone else that's important that would take the space Bruno's temporarily and infrequently occupying. Selfishness aside, Bruno can't simply turn his kindness off. He can't look the other way when someone is blatantly suffering and in need.]
[But other times...]
[Bruno steps closer to Abbacchio.]
It's not that simple and straightforward. Sometimes maybe I do let him rely on me too much. I try not to because I don't mind doing things his way or following his lead, but we both make mistakes in trying to figure what's going to work long-term and what isn't. But letting him let me take the responsibility doesn't account for everything.
Do you really think he and I had a nice chat after you arrived? We argued, Abbacchio, because he deliberately told you what happened and he only told you so much so I'd have to tell the rest. He knew how you'd react--that you'd blame him and get too pissed off to be around him--and he knew I couldn't just let you slip away from the rest of us.
[He holds up a hand.]
If you really want to make the argument that you would have come around eventually on your own while by yourself, or maybe you might have given the time of day to Giorno long enough to try and make it work, and I should have just stayed out of it completely, fine. Maybe you would have if I stayed out of it.
[Bruno doesn't really believe it. It would have taken some form of prodding from Bruno to move Abbacchio along and who knows how much time he'd really need to dig his heels in.]
But I would never risk you on a maybe, Abbacchio.
[A master wordsmith Abbacchio is not, but he thinks he got the right idea across anyway, if not totally precisely. So they're working it out somehow -- alright, fine. But they could be smarter about it, if Giorno's still dreaming up flashbacks to that one night. Abbacchio has said it before, that Giorno not being in top form is dangerous and not only for himself, and he stands by that. He'd bring it up again, he thinks, if they weren't suddenly talking about him.
It's surprising. Abbacchio blinks and looks at Bruno while he speaks, his brow furrowed. He's been terrible to Giorno and he knows and understands that. Giorno wanted him to get angry--he knows that too, frowning as he remembers Giorno offering to meet him somewhere private, somewhere Abbacchio could get as angry as he wanted and nobody would come around to stop him. But he also remembers telling him in no uncertain terms to fuck off in response to that, to not use Abbacchio as some kind of vehicle for his martyrdom about all that happened before any of them arrived here. So, really, if Giorno wants to try to manipulate them, that's still his own problem.
None of that changes the fact that he has nothing left to say when Bruno is through. All he can come up with is it isn't fair to use that as a defense for being the leader and the fixer all the time - maybe Giorno shouldn't have done what he did in the first place, and things would have gone differently without the need for such hasty restructuring of all their pieces. But things have fallen where they are, and Abbacchio is petty and mean but he isn't a child, so he says nothing.
He was ready to be told he was wrong or at least not completely right. He could have thought of something to say if Bruno had stopped after the implication of his part in the imbalance between Bruno and Giorno right now. Even being put up against the idea that Giorno's problems stem partially from him (and it's true that he's guilty, it is, it is, Giorno fucked up and people died but how better than Giorno is Abbacchio in that regard anyway--) he could have taken. Sheer stubbornness would give him a way to argue that, yes, he would come around without any nudging from Bruno.
But.
'I would never risk you on a maybe.'
He has nothing; he expected a dozen things and none of them were that and he can't think of anything to say to it that actually sounds true. Abruptly he realizes he's been staring at Bruno in silence for too long a pause and looks down at the railing.
Shit.]
This still isn't about me.
It's surprising. Abbacchio blinks and looks at Bruno while he speaks, his brow furrowed. He's been terrible to Giorno and he knows and understands that. Giorno wanted him to get angry--he knows that too, frowning as he remembers Giorno offering to meet him somewhere private, somewhere Abbacchio could get as angry as he wanted and nobody would come around to stop him. But he also remembers telling him in no uncertain terms to fuck off in response to that, to not use Abbacchio as some kind of vehicle for his martyrdom about all that happened before any of them arrived here. So, really, if Giorno wants to try to manipulate them, that's still his own problem.
None of that changes the fact that he has nothing left to say when Bruno is through. All he can come up with is it isn't fair to use that as a defense for being the leader and the fixer all the time - maybe Giorno shouldn't have done what he did in the first place, and things would have gone differently without the need for such hasty restructuring of all their pieces. But things have fallen where they are, and Abbacchio is petty and mean but he isn't a child, so he says nothing.
He was ready to be told he was wrong or at least not completely right. He could have thought of something to say if Bruno had stopped after the implication of his part in the imbalance between Bruno and Giorno right now. Even being put up against the idea that Giorno's problems stem partially from him (and it's true that he's guilty, it is, it is, Giorno fucked up and people died but how better than Giorno is Abbacchio in that regard anyway--) he could have taken. Sheer stubbornness would give him a way to argue that, yes, he would come around without any nudging from Bruno.
But.
'I would never risk you on a maybe.'
He has nothing; he expected a dozen things and none of them were that and he can't think of anything to say to it that actually sounds true. Abruptly he realizes he's been staring at Bruno in silence for too long a pause and looks down at the railing.
Shit.]
This still isn't about me.
[Bruno waits, expecting a fight out Abbacchio about it. Even with Bruno laying out his reason why he went along with Giorno's manipulation, he expected a fight. They'd never agree on it and would just go in circles until one of them redirected the conversation because neither one would walk away from the other. Instead, Abbacchio just looks at him in a long moment of silence. And it is a long moment between the two of them, Bruno patiently waiting for Abbacchio first to summon a storm of anger to push back and then just for him to say anything at all. But Abbacchio looks away and whatever he might have been planning to say in his head when Bruno started speaking isn't there when he does finally speak.]
[Bruno draws a slow breath and lets it out on a quiet sigh. Bruno may have a problem of throwing himself too much into others, but Abbacchio has the opposite of excising himself as much as possible. It always seems to take him by complete and utter surprise, regardless of his promises to Bruno, that Bruno would want him there or places any value in him.]
Isn't it? You want me to talk to someone, but...
[He places a hand on Abbacchio's arm. This time when he speaks, he's calm and even, but it's not a veneer of denial. He simply sounds tired.]
I don't know what set you off tonight. It honestly doesn't matter. What matters is you didn't send someone else. [Bruno takes his hand back, resting it on the railing again.] Besides, I wouldn't have said most of what I have to anyone else. Regardless of whether or not they need me to fix things, you know as well as I do they couldn't sit and listen to any of that. They sure as hell wouldn't have been stubborn enough to make me say it in the first place.
[But in all seriousness, as much as they want Bruno to open up, they couldn't stand to hear any of it. In some ways, they do need Bruno still to be as steady as he's always been. He can't be entirely what he once was--it's something he has to learn to cope with as do the others--but they still need him to be reliable and know he's there to fall back on if things get desperate. And ultimately, they wouldn't understand either. There are parts of what Bruno's been through that no one can understand.]
[Abbacchio, however, is able to wait Bruno out. As always, he's pushed and challenged Bruno that the others couldn't have. Bruno thinks if anyone else in the gang had found out the truth, Abbacchio would have been able to handle it. He wouldn't have liked it, but he'd set it aside and kept focused. He'd struggle with it later, but not in the moment. And now... Well, now they're not all that different. They're on far more equal footing than they ever have been in the past with the both of them struggling to find their places within the larger framework. But they know at least one place they belong. So, it's easier with Abbacchio. Easier than it is with Giorno, Mista, or anyone else that might try to talk to him because he shares an understanding with Abbacchio that simply isn't there with the others. Bruno folds his arms again on the railing and leans on it, looking out over the water.]
It's not completely about you, but it's not completely about me either. Whatever happens from this point forward... [Bruno shakes his head a little.] We're in it together, Leone.
[Bruno draws a slow breath and lets it out on a quiet sigh. Bruno may have a problem of throwing himself too much into others, but Abbacchio has the opposite of excising himself as much as possible. It always seems to take him by complete and utter surprise, regardless of his promises to Bruno, that Bruno would want him there or places any value in him.]
Isn't it? You want me to talk to someone, but...
[He places a hand on Abbacchio's arm. This time when he speaks, he's calm and even, but it's not a veneer of denial. He simply sounds tired.]
I don't know what set you off tonight. It honestly doesn't matter. What matters is you didn't send someone else. [Bruno takes his hand back, resting it on the railing again.] Besides, I wouldn't have said most of what I have to anyone else. Regardless of whether or not they need me to fix things, you know as well as I do they couldn't sit and listen to any of that. They sure as hell wouldn't have been stubborn enough to make me say it in the first place.
[But in all seriousness, as much as they want Bruno to open up, they couldn't stand to hear any of it. In some ways, they do need Bruno still to be as steady as he's always been. He can't be entirely what he once was--it's something he has to learn to cope with as do the others--but they still need him to be reliable and know he's there to fall back on if things get desperate. And ultimately, they wouldn't understand either. There are parts of what Bruno's been through that no one can understand.]
[Abbacchio, however, is able to wait Bruno out. As always, he's pushed and challenged Bruno that the others couldn't have. Bruno thinks if anyone else in the gang had found out the truth, Abbacchio would have been able to handle it. He wouldn't have liked it, but he'd set it aside and kept focused. He'd struggle with it later, but not in the moment. And now... Well, now they're not all that different. They're on far more equal footing than they ever have been in the past with the both of them struggling to find their places within the larger framework. But they know at least one place they belong. So, it's easier with Abbacchio. Easier than it is with Giorno, Mista, or anyone else that might try to talk to him because he shares an understanding with Abbacchio that simply isn't there with the others. Bruno folds his arms again on the railing and leans on it, looking out over the water.]
It's not completely about you, but it's not completely about me either. Whatever happens from this point forward... [Bruno shakes his head a little.] We're in it together, Leone.
[Abbacchio doesn't look up until Bruno touches his arm, and even then he looks up slowly, just listening. He doesn't move any more than that -- even if he wanted to, all of him feels heavy with the litany of reasons he does not deserve the trust and acceptance Bruno gives to him at all. He can't lift his other hand to touch Bruno's for the weight of it, although the weight on his arm is an entirely different kind that makes him want more than anything to move--
He stands there. He listens. It's strange but half of Bruno's words sound like they must be for someone else, so even though the words are a kind of appraisal, there's a lapse in time before they really sink in, a split-second to think.
Before arriving in this city someone whose forgiveness he can never convince himself he deserves told him he'd done well, that he'd managed to do the right thing finally. The fever dream of a dying man or no (honestly, he can believe only so many things), that's hung over him for weeks now as he wonders if it's true. He still doesn't know. But Bruno, Bruno is here and real, and even if Abbacchio doesn't think he'll ever deserve him either, he's going to try. To believe it or to be someone who doesn't have to convince himself, he's not sure yet--but something else has changed and he's only just realizing it now.
He can move, and lifts his hand to bump the back of it and his knuckles into Bruno's arm. (Honestly he's doing all he can manage in a single day, alright.) He takes a deep breath and breathes it out shortly, the barest suggestion of a laugh.]
You sure? I'm kind of an asshole.
[But he doesn't move his hand away. Bruno is so far ahead of him, but if Abbacchio can touch him like this then he must have done something worth doing to get here. Whatever that is. This.
Each of his promises to Bruno thus far has been focused on following him anywhere. If he's going to try, he can start there. What had Izabel said to him when they met? Something she meant about Giorno, but about someone who can forgive all of your bullshit-- Start there.]
... Buccellati, [but not there, no, apparently not] I'm with you. In this place, or wherever-- it's not "maybe," it's always.
He stands there. He listens. It's strange but half of Bruno's words sound like they must be for someone else, so even though the words are a kind of appraisal, there's a lapse in time before they really sink in, a split-second to think.
Before arriving in this city someone whose forgiveness he can never convince himself he deserves told him he'd done well, that he'd managed to do the right thing finally. The fever dream of a dying man or no (honestly, he can believe only so many things), that's hung over him for weeks now as he wonders if it's true. He still doesn't know. But Bruno, Bruno is here and real, and even if Abbacchio doesn't think he'll ever deserve him either, he's going to try. To believe it or to be someone who doesn't have to convince himself, he's not sure yet--but something else has changed and he's only just realizing it now.
He can move, and lifts his hand to bump the back of it and his knuckles into Bruno's arm. (Honestly he's doing all he can manage in a single day, alright.) He takes a deep breath and breathes it out shortly, the barest suggestion of a laugh.]
You sure? I'm kind of an asshole.
[But he doesn't move his hand away. Bruno is so far ahead of him, but if Abbacchio can touch him like this then he must have done something worth doing to get here. Whatever that is. This.
Each of his promises to Bruno thus far has been focused on following him anywhere. If he's going to try, he can start there. What had Izabel said to him when they met? Something she meant about Giorno, but about someone who can forgive all of your bullshit-- Start there.]
... Buccellati, [but not there, no, apparently not] I'm with you. In this place, or wherever-- it's not "maybe," it's always.
[He waits a second or two, expecting and giving Abbacchio the space to take his hand back. But it remains there and all it takes is a subtle shift of Bruno's arm to cover Abbacchio's hand with his own. Something similar happened with Giorno when he reached out. Bruno's not exactly a tactile person by nature, but he has a hard time ignoring touch now and not taking advantage of the ability to feel someone else's warm hand in his. The difference here, however, is that Bruno doesn't take his hand back shortly after. He keeps it there.]
I know.
[In the same way he knew Abbacchio would show up here eventually, he knows Abbacchio will always be at his side come hell or high water. It's an implicit trust and faith he places in Abbacchio. He looks over his shoulder to meet Abbacchio's eyes again. He gives his hand just a light squeeze.]
I'll be okay.
[It's not a lie this time because he isn't making a concerted effort to makes or to minimize anything. It's the barest of admissions that Bruno isn't okay now. It's a faint hope that he will, indeed, be okay eventually. Because he needs to be. Because he wants to be. He just hasn't figured out how to be yet, how to get there or what it will even look like. And that's been a part of his seemingly endless silence and brush-offs in response to any concern. He hasn't had any words for any of it until now. So, even though the ones he gives Abbacchio now are somewhat vague and nebulous in their shape and meaning, they're better than what he's had since he found himself here.]
[It's a start.]
I know.
[In the same way he knew Abbacchio would show up here eventually, he knows Abbacchio will always be at his side come hell or high water. It's an implicit trust and faith he places in Abbacchio. He looks over his shoulder to meet Abbacchio's eyes again. He gives his hand just a light squeeze.]
I'll be okay.
[It's not a lie this time because he isn't making a concerted effort to makes or to minimize anything. It's the barest of admissions that Bruno isn't okay now. It's a faint hope that he will, indeed, be okay eventually. Because he needs to be. Because he wants to be. He just hasn't figured out how to be yet, how to get there or what it will even look like. And that's been a part of his seemingly endless silence and brush-offs in response to any concern. He hasn't had any words for any of it until now. So, even though the ones he gives Abbacchio now are somewhat vague and nebulous in their shape and meaning, they're better than what he's had since he found himself here.]
[It's a start.]
[Likewise, Abbacchio waits, assuming Bruno's hand in his will be another brief contact like the touch to his arm before. When it isn't he relaxes - he doesn't actually remember tensing up - just minutely, letting his grip fit more naturally against Bruno's in the same moment his hand is squeezed.
He is not going to say a word about that, lest he shatter whatever it is that's inspired Bruno to take his hand. Instead he focuses on the rest; 'I'll be okay.' This one he believes, with everything unsaid backing it. The resolution is a long way off and any number of things can go wrong, and quickly, but if these intangible somethings - Bruno's will to be okay and his own private, uncertain resolve to try - are where they have to start, then that's that.
They still aren't done. But even Abbacchio can see that this is better than spinning wheels and going nowhere. Maybe for now the hows and whens can be left to be worked out in due time.
Or maybe Abbacchio is drained, and the intangibles can't hold his interest quite like the very tangible feel of a hand on his, and there isn't anything he can pick out to argue over in that admission, anyway.]
I know. [I trust you. He considers then adds,] That's probably enough to satisfy the rest if they start in again.
[This is Abbacchio #trying. But honestly, he lacks all of the demand his voice carried in the earlier part of this conversation - that if is important.]
He is not going to say a word about that, lest he shatter whatever it is that's inspired Bruno to take his hand. Instead he focuses on the rest; 'I'll be okay.' This one he believes, with everything unsaid backing it. The resolution is a long way off and any number of things can go wrong, and quickly, but if these intangible somethings - Bruno's will to be okay and his own private, uncertain resolve to try - are where they have to start, then that's that.
They still aren't done. But even Abbacchio can see that this is better than spinning wheels and going nowhere. Maybe for now the hows and whens can be left to be worked out in due time.
Or maybe Abbacchio is drained, and the intangibles can't hold his interest quite like the very tangible feel of a hand on his, and there isn't anything he can pick out to argue over in that admission, anyway.]
I know. [I trust you. He considers then adds,] That's probably enough to satisfy the rest if they start in again.
[This is Abbacchio #trying. But honestly, he lacks all of the demand his voice carried in the earlier part of this conversation - that if is important.]
[Bruno's smile is slight, but it's genuine as it reaches his eyes.]
Let's hope so because I think the next person who asks after my well-being but doesn't accept my answer is getting their mouth zipped shut.
[He's joking.Mostly.]
[Having Abbacchio accept things as they are right now, trusting him, and letting it go for now is enough though to smooth over most of Bruno's irritation. He's been aware that he's needed each of those things at some point or another, but he couldn't have predicted how much he needed all of them at once. It doesn't fix everything, of course, but calling it a relief still seems like an understatement.]
[He pushes off the railing. In doing so, he lets their hands lower, but he still hasn't let go.]
I think it's going to be an early night for me. Are you coming?
Let's hope so because I think the next person who asks after my well-being but doesn't accept my answer is getting their mouth zipped shut.
[He's joking.
[Having Abbacchio accept things as they are right now, trusting him, and letting it go for now is enough though to smooth over most of Bruno's irritation. He's been aware that he's needed each of those things at some point or another, but he couldn't have predicted how much he needed all of them at once. It doesn't fix everything, of course, but calling it a relief still seems like an understatement.]
[He pushes off the railing. In doing so, he lets their hands lower, but he still hasn't let go.]
I think it's going to be an early night for me. Are you coming?
[No lie though, call him first if someone's getting their mouth zipped shut. He quirks an eyebrow at that, amused for all he still doesn't laugh. That Bruno's willing to table this discussion for now with something light-hearted relieves Abbacchio in a way he didn't anticipate. He hadn't actually thought this through until the end - throwing the issue down and waiting to see what reaction he got was about all the planning he did. It would have been incredibly easy to make things worse and he's so, so relieved that he didn't. Bruno is alright and will be better; enough.
All things considered, this moment could be a lot more tense. The only thing that qualifies is Abbacchio's focus zeroing in on their hands as he steps away from the railing himself, but another moment is all it takes for his grip to relax again.]
As riveting as standing out here alone in the dark would be, [he gives the railing one last pat with his free hand, like it's a dear friend that really helped out with this.] I'm ready to go.
All things considered, this moment could be a lot more tense. The only thing that qualifies is Abbacchio's focus zeroing in on their hands as he steps away from the railing himself, but another moment is all it takes for his grip to relax again.]
As riveting as standing out here alone in the dark would be, [he gives the railing one last pat with his free hand, like it's a dear friend that really helped out with this.] I'm ready to go.
Bruno?
[His voice comes quiet, reserved, even more so than usual. Not as though he's holding back emotion; simply very tired. He's had a long night.]
I'd like to speak with you. I'm going to make up a basket with breakfast things and go down to the beach . . . and if you want to meet me there, that would be - good. But if you don't, that's your choice.
That's all. I hope you slept well.
[His voice comes quiet, reserved, even more so than usual. Not as though he's holding back emotion; simply very tired. He's had a long night.]
I'd like to speak with you. I'm going to make up a basket with breakfast things and go down to the beach . . . and if you want to meet me there, that would be - good. But if you don't, that's your choice.
That's all. I hope you slept well.
[Bruno is still rubbing the sleep from his eyes while he listens to Giorno's message. It's been weeks since he's heard from Giorno. With no true explanation as to why the silence, he had assumed that Giorno was making use of the time apart to sort himself out. Yet listening to this message, he sounds a little worse for wear. Bruno considers that a moment as his room falls into silence at the end of the message. He supposes that it only makes sense in the end. They've been separated and nobody in Passione does well separated.]
[But he has to carefully consider whether or not he'll go. It's not that he doesn't want to, but he knows what a fine line he's been walking--or rather failed to walk--with Giorno when it comes to who is really the leader. There's only one answer he can give Giorno: I'll be there. They need to talk. He hast to be careful, but they need to talk.]
[He gets out of bed and checks to see if Abbacchio is awake yet only to find him still asleep. He watches for just a few seconds before pulling the door quietly to, letting him sleep. Once he's ready to leave, he hangs back a moment to leave Abbacchio a note. Not that Abbacchio couldn't most likely piece together where Bruno is (or who he's with) on his own, but he still leaves a note behind before leaving. He doesn't dally about, taking the most direct route to the beach, but he's not surprised to find Giorno there before him.]
It's good to hear from you again, Giorno. I was beginning to think you were trying to avoid me.
[But he has to carefully consider whether or not he'll go. It's not that he doesn't want to, but he knows what a fine line he's been walking--or rather failed to walk--with Giorno when it comes to who is really the leader. There's only one answer he can give Giorno: I'll be there. They need to talk. He hast to be careful, but they need to talk.]
[He gets out of bed and checks to see if Abbacchio is awake yet only to find him still asleep. He watches for just a few seconds before pulling the door quietly to, letting him sleep. Once he's ready to leave, he hangs back a moment to leave Abbacchio a note. Not that Abbacchio couldn't most likely piece together where Bruno is (or who he's with) on his own, but he still leaves a note behind before leaving. He doesn't dally about, taking the most direct route to the beach, but he's not surprised to find Giorno there before him.]
It's good to hear from you again, Giorno. I was beginning to think you were trying to avoid me.
[Bruno says he'll be there, and Giorno trusts him on his word, as always. So he's set up by the time he gets there - a simple but more than ample spread of breakfast pastries and fruit and coffee, leaning a little heavily on sweet things, but he's aware this isn't going to be pleasant and is trying to buffer for it. Everything's laid out on a blanket a little too close to the water, because the proximity reminds him of how the beach is a safe space, how everything will be okay in the end - how people with a deep bond can't be ripped asunder by a few mistakes. So he hopes, anyway.]
[When he sees Bruno, he smiles, and he does look very tired, but all signs of injury from last night's fight are gone like they never were.]
I was. It's very complicated and a little stupid, but I'll tell you what happened, and I'm certainly not going to avoid you anymore.
[He pats the blanket.]
Sit?
[For Bruno, not an order - not because he defers to him, in this case, but because he would rather err on the side of too much respect than too little, when he's made so many mistakes recently.]
[And because he loves him. That, too, of course.]
[When he sees Bruno, he smiles, and he does look very tired, but all signs of injury from last night's fight are gone like they never were.]
I was. It's very complicated and a little stupid, but I'll tell you what happened, and I'm certainly not going to avoid you anymore.
[He pats the blanket.]
Sit?
[For Bruno, not an order - not because he defers to him, in this case, but because he would rather err on the side of too much respect than too little, when he's made so many mistakes recently.]
[And because he loves him. That, too, of course.]
[Bruno nods and joins Giorno on the blanket. He doesn't bother with waiting for Giorno before helping himself to coffee. Right now doesn't feel like the time for deference. Not after an invitation to sit rather than an order, anyway. They aren't a don and a subordinate right now or even a former leader with a former subordinate. For at least a little while, it's just Bruno and Giorno on the beach, trying to make sense of where things stand and to fix things together.]
[He takes a sip before tipping his head to look at Giorno. He's not smiling himself, but there's none of that hard edge just beneath the surface of a calm veneer like the last time they met on the beach together. If anything, his expression is more open than it's ever been in Giorno's presence.]
So?
[He takes a sip before tipping his head to look at Giorno. He's not smiling himself, but there's none of that hard edge just beneath the surface of a calm veneer like the last time they met on the beach together. If anything, his expression is more open than it's ever been in Giorno's presence.]
So?
[That look on his face, the honesty there, is so beautiful and so important that it really does make Giorno's chest hurt. He has no illusions that this conversation is going to be easy, and he's very tired and very sad and full of regrets, but Jotaro was right - this isn't going to tear them apart, and he has to trust in their bond in order to move forward.]
[So his smile fades a little, but not completely, and he pulls his own coffee forward but doesn't take a sip yet, just holds the warm thermos in his hands and watches the steam rise from the open lip.]
So.
I must have run into the cat. Anyway . . . what I forgot was you. Not everything about you, but that you died. I think my mind filled in the gaps, so that I assumed that you'd just left us after everything was over. Thinking that, I avoided you, less because I was angry and more because I felt you'd made your choice, and it was to stay away from me. From us. Mista and Trish, too. So why push it?
Izabel and I were together in the mirrors. We had to decide whether to save you . . .
[He sighs a little, blinking down at the surface of his coffee through the top of the thermos.]
And then I remembered, and I didn't really know what to do with the fact that I'd forgotten. I should have come to you sooner, probably, but I didn't, and that is what it is.
[So his smile fades a little, but not completely, and he pulls his own coffee forward but doesn't take a sip yet, just holds the warm thermos in his hands and watches the steam rise from the open lip.]
So.
I must have run into the cat. Anyway . . . what I forgot was you. Not everything about you, but that you died. I think my mind filled in the gaps, so that I assumed that you'd just left us after everything was over. Thinking that, I avoided you, less because I was angry and more because I felt you'd made your choice, and it was to stay away from me. From us. Mista and Trish, too. So why push it?
Izabel and I were together in the mirrors. We had to decide whether to save you . . .
[He sighs a little, blinking down at the surface of his coffee through the top of the thermos.]
And then I remembered, and I didn't really know what to do with the fact that I'd forgotten. I should have come to you sooner, probably, but I didn't, and that is what it is.
[We had to decide whether to save you...]
[Giorno doesn't have to say the rest to know what the alternative was. Bruno considers this quietly. How many times had Giorno watched him die before he chose to let him go? It's hard to know for certain. He's not going to ask either. But he can guess the number was probably fairly high. Giorno is sometimes too stubborn for his own good and even with the thought that Bruno had walked away...]
[I should have. How many times has Giorno said that to himself since everything that's happened? Another thing Bruno won't ask about, but is absolutely sure is astronomical. It's a little better at least than what he might have said before. he doesn't leave it there or worse, start apologizing. What's done is done and there's no point is twisting himself up over it.]
[Bruno shakes his head a little.]
You needed time. There's nothing wrong in that. And in any case, I'm glad to hear it from you rather than someone else even if it wasn't right away.
[Abbacchio's abrupt need to talk about things made more sense with this information. He didn't get it from Giorno, but Izabel. There's a brief flicker of a faint smile. Stellina, what is he going to do with you?]
How is she holding up? I haven't heard from her in a couple of weeks now.
[Which may mean she is more actively avoiding Bruno (and he couldn't blame her after what she must have witnessed again and again) if she was talking to Abbacchio rather than directly to Bruno, but it could also mean nothing. He'd rather check (because he doubts Giorno has left her on her own) and be certain of whether or not she needs space and time than push her. Erring on the side of caution and all of that.]
[Giorno doesn't have to say the rest to know what the alternative was. Bruno considers this quietly. How many times had Giorno watched him die before he chose to let him go? It's hard to know for certain. He's not going to ask either. But he can guess the number was probably fairly high. Giorno is sometimes too stubborn for his own good and even with the thought that Bruno had walked away...]
[I should have. How many times has Giorno said that to himself since everything that's happened? Another thing Bruno won't ask about, but is absolutely sure is astronomical. It's a little better at least than what he might have said before. he doesn't leave it there or worse, start apologizing. What's done is done and there's no point is twisting himself up over it.]
[Bruno shakes his head a little.]
You needed time. There's nothing wrong in that. And in any case, I'm glad to hear it from you rather than someone else even if it wasn't right away.
[Abbacchio's abrupt need to talk about things made more sense with this information. He didn't get it from Giorno, but Izabel. There's a brief flicker of a faint smile. Stellina, what is he going to do with you?]
How is she holding up? I haven't heard from her in a couple of weeks now.
[Which may mean she is more actively avoiding Bruno (and he couldn't blame her after what she must have witnessed again and again) if she was talking to Abbacchio rather than directly to Bruno, but it could also mean nothing. He'd rather check (because he doubts Giorno has left her on her own) and be certain of whether or not she needs space and time than push her. Erring on the side of caution and all of that.]
[He does take a sip of his coffee, then, as Bruno processes what he's said. As usual, it doesn't take that long. They do communicate well, the two of them, at least most of the time - best when they're talking about other people, or logistics instead of feelings. Bruno hears the things he says as well as the things he doesn't say, his intentions as well as his words.]
[He should have. But he didn't. And that is what it is, and he thinks that maybe he's learned from it. Learned a lot of things. Like how to admit that he's wrong.]
Honestly, I don't think that she's doing well. She came to me in a panic after misunderstanding something Jotaro said - well, it's up to her to tell you about that, but she's jumpy. And I am too.
[And Jotaro has taken the brunt of that from both of them. So that's another apology on his list.]
My intuition tells me that she needs a little more time. But ultimately that's a decision only you can make. Your relationship is between the two of you, and unless one of you proves to be a danger to the other, which you won't, it's not my responsibility or my place to get involved.
She's afraid. That's what I can tell you for sure. This, the idea of what happened to you, what I did to you, and having to see it like she did, it's hitting her a lot harder than she's letting on - until it gets to be too much and she snaps, like she did a few days ago.
[He should have. But he didn't. And that is what it is, and he thinks that maybe he's learned from it. Learned a lot of things. Like how to admit that he's wrong.]
Honestly, I don't think that she's doing well. She came to me in a panic after misunderstanding something Jotaro said - well, it's up to her to tell you about that, but she's jumpy. And I am too.
[And Jotaro has taken the brunt of that from both of them. So that's another apology on his list.]
My intuition tells me that she needs a little more time. But ultimately that's a decision only you can make. Your relationship is between the two of you, and unless one of you proves to be a danger to the other, which you won't, it's not my responsibility or my place to get involved.
She's afraid. That's what I can tell you for sure. This, the idea of what happened to you, what I did to you, and having to see it like she did, it's hitting her a lot harder than she's letting on - until it gets to be too much and she snaps, like she did a few days ago.
[Bruno makes a soft hum of acknowledgement as he takes a sip from his coffee. It's not surprising to hear. Izabel was never exactly explicit in her feelings about what happened to Bruno. At least not outside the usual "it sucks that you died" mentality. She never touched the other parts of it and it was obvious why. She's not the sort of person to shy away from uncomfortable things. The fact she tried not to talk about it as much as possible meant it unnerved Izabel.]
[But that's not the only other piece of note from what he says. Giorno's not getting involved. He's telling Bruno what he's seen and what his opinion is, but he's not trying to push Bruno or Izabel one way or the other. That is wholly new and an interesting development. And in the end, it's very little to do with anything Giorno says that he's already decided to let Izabel come to him when she's ready. It just certainly doesn't hurt to know for certain where she is right now in terms of dealing with it and readiness to speak with him again.]
[He pauses, taking another sip of his coffee and fixing Giorno with a serious look because he didn't come here to talk about Izabel.]
You know, Giorno, about what happened that night and after that... You talk about it like it was purely a bad thing, but it's not as simple as whether you did the right or wrong thing. It doesn't really matter if you want to say was right or wrong; it wasn't a cruel thing and that's all that matters. I know it's easy to look at what I went through and see it as suffering, but I didn't suffer.
And anyway, right or wrong, I'm grateful for everything you did for me. [And that's an important distinction. For. Not to.] Because of you, I was at peace when the time came. I was happy. And I can't say I've felt either of those things many times in my life.
Whether you can forgive yourself and put it behind you or not isn't up to me. That's something you'll have to work out on your own. But for now, I want you to know I don't blame or resent you for any of it. As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing to forgive.
[But that's not the only other piece of note from what he says. Giorno's not getting involved. He's telling Bruno what he's seen and what his opinion is, but he's not trying to push Bruno or Izabel one way or the other. That is wholly new and an interesting development. And in the end, it's very little to do with anything Giorno says that he's already decided to let Izabel come to him when she's ready. It just certainly doesn't hurt to know for certain where she is right now in terms of dealing with it and readiness to speak with him again.]
[He pauses, taking another sip of his coffee and fixing Giorno with a serious look because he didn't come here to talk about Izabel.]
You know, Giorno, about what happened that night and after that... You talk about it like it was purely a bad thing, but it's not as simple as whether you did the right or wrong thing. It doesn't really matter if you want to say was right or wrong; it wasn't a cruel thing and that's all that matters. I know it's easy to look at what I went through and see it as suffering, but I didn't suffer.
And anyway, right or wrong, I'm grateful for everything you did for me. [And that's an important distinction. For. Not to.] Because of you, I was at peace when the time came. I was happy. And I can't say I've felt either of those things many times in my life.
Whether you can forgive yourself and put it behind you or not isn't up to me. That's something you'll have to work out on your own. But for now, I want you to know I don't blame or resent you for any of it. As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing to forgive.
[It's difficult to listen to this. It's hard and it hurts, but he has to listen to it anyway - not for Bruno, or not just for Bruno, but for himself, because these are things he needs to hear. Just like last night he wanted to reach for Mista and took the hard way instead, because it was the right way, because he needed it. Healing hurts, sometimes.]
[So he listens, and he doesn't bother to hide the way he winces at certain parts - at peace, happy, nothing to forgive. Not because they're bad, but because they're overwhelming. One hand falls to his side, fingers curling in the sand; after a few moments, he nods.]
I appreciate you saying that. I think that . . . if there's one thing about the entire situation that I'm proud of, besides getting rid of Diavolo, besides keeping Mista and Trish safe, it's that. That you were able to find peace. That you were able to be happy, even if it was only for a few minutes.
At the same time - Izabel asked me if I was happy, if it was worth it, and I told her the truth: that I am sometimes, a lot of the time, that I love my life and my work and I love Mista and Trish with all of myself, but there's nothing in the world worth losing you. Any of you. And Abbacchio wasn't happy. And Narancia wasn't ready. In the end, what I wanted was to keep my family safe, and I wasn't able to do that.
[Another sigh, soft and almost muffled in the sound of the wind. He brushes a few stray hairs off of his face and looks out at the ocean.]
That wouldn't have been my first goal when I met you. It would have been a priority, but not the first one. I learned to connect, and that was good, but I never really learned how to let go. There was never anyone I cared about to let go of before.
[All of this is dancing around the point, of course. It's important, but it's not why he came here. And he doesn't want to lie, even by omission, so he looks at Bruno again and drops his chin slightly, not in submission but in acknowledgment of a mistake made.]
You know what I am by nature - that when I love people, when I want the best for them, I want to rearrange their lives to make them happy. As though they're dolls; as though I have some right to their memories or their pain or their connections. That is wrong, whether I mean it to be or not.
I'd like to apologize to you, if you're ready to hear an apology. But if you're not, I understand.
[So he listens, and he doesn't bother to hide the way he winces at certain parts - at peace, happy, nothing to forgive. Not because they're bad, but because they're overwhelming. One hand falls to his side, fingers curling in the sand; after a few moments, he nods.]
I appreciate you saying that. I think that . . . if there's one thing about the entire situation that I'm proud of, besides getting rid of Diavolo, besides keeping Mista and Trish safe, it's that. That you were able to find peace. That you were able to be happy, even if it was only for a few minutes.
At the same time - Izabel asked me if I was happy, if it was worth it, and I told her the truth: that I am sometimes, a lot of the time, that I love my life and my work and I love Mista and Trish with all of myself, but there's nothing in the world worth losing you. Any of you. And Abbacchio wasn't happy. And Narancia wasn't ready. In the end, what I wanted was to keep my family safe, and I wasn't able to do that.
[Another sigh, soft and almost muffled in the sound of the wind. He brushes a few stray hairs off of his face and looks out at the ocean.]
That wouldn't have been my first goal when I met you. It would have been a priority, but not the first one. I learned to connect, and that was good, but I never really learned how to let go. There was never anyone I cared about to let go of before.
[All of this is dancing around the point, of course. It's important, but it's not why he came here. And he doesn't want to lie, even by omission, so he looks at Bruno again and drops his chin slightly, not in submission but in acknowledgment of a mistake made.]
You know what I am by nature - that when I love people, when I want the best for them, I want to rearrange their lives to make them happy. As though they're dolls; as though I have some right to their memories or their pain or their connections. That is wrong, whether I mean it to be or not.
I'd like to apologize to you, if you're ready to hear an apology. But if you're not, I understand.
[One might perhaps. Hmm...]
Well, you know Mista. His attention is sometimes a little difficult to maintain on more than one thing at a time. [Which can be both a good and bad thing. And more often than not at least mildly entertaining.] As long as you don't forget, that's what will matter the most.
Well, you know Mista. His attention is sometimes a little difficult to maintain on more than one thing at a time. [Which can be both a good and bad thing. And more often than not at least mildly entertaining.] As long as you don't forget, that's what will matter the most.
[Bruno wouldn't have expected another answer from Giorno to that question. He can find happiness when it's presented to him. He's not the sort of person to reject it even in the face of loss. But that doesn't mean he's content with the sacrifices that had to be made for him to get where he is to completely ignore their existence. He still carries some of the burden of the losses as they are his family. Bruno feels it, too. Even with Abbacchio here, the weight of his death settles on his shoulders. Sometimes it's a little less noticeable when he's in Abbacchio's company, but not always. And Narancia... That's not something that Bruno thinks will ever stop eating at him.]
[So, in the end, it's not something Bruno feels the need to try and correct because he can't tell Giorno how to heal when he still hasn't quite figured it out himself. And it's not something he'd particularly want to change about Giorno right now anyway. Especially not when Giorno is being honest about and aware of himself. He's right in that his intentions are good. But that doesn't negate the fact what he does is wrong. Were his intentions any less than they are, it would not bode well for anyone, Giorno included. He can't and shouldn't be sheltered from feelings like this. He needs to learn that not everything about loving another person is good. Love, for all the good that it brings and does for someone, also comes with a great deal of pain. Bruno believes in Giorno, however. He believes that Giorno is strong enough.]
It will depend on what exactly you're apologizing for.
[Bruno can guess though at this point from the direction of the conversation; he nods for Giorno to go ahead.]
[So, in the end, it's not something Bruno feels the need to try and correct because he can't tell Giorno how to heal when he still hasn't quite figured it out himself. And it's not something he'd particularly want to change about Giorno right now anyway. Especially not when Giorno is being honest about and aware of himself. He's right in that his intentions are good. But that doesn't negate the fact what he does is wrong. Were his intentions any less than they are, it would not bode well for anyone, Giorno included. He can't and shouldn't be sheltered from feelings like this. He needs to learn that not everything about loving another person is good. Love, for all the good that it brings and does for someone, also comes with a great deal of pain. Bruno believes in Giorno, however. He believes that Giorno is strong enough.]
It will depend on what exactly you're apologizing for.
[Bruno can guess though at this point from the direction of the conversation; he nods for Giorno to go ahead.]
[She doesn't know when Bruno sleeps. She doesn't really know when any of them sleep, or wake up, or if they're diligent about keeping any sort of schedule at all. But she knows that it's been too long since she's talked to him and that she misses him.
It's still a little daunting, but... Abbacchio had said there was progress, right? So maybe -- maybe if he was dealing with it, then she could, too.]
If you were going to have a planet all to yourself, what would you name it?
It's still a little daunting, but... Abbacchio had said there was progress, right? So maybe -- maybe if he was dealing with it, then she could, too.]
If you were going to have a planet all to yourself, what would you name it?
I don't mean all to yourself all the time I just mean it's yours. You can build as many houses and stuff on it for people to stay in as you want, it's your planet. And we'll definitely visit.
[She's confident that she can include Abbacchio, her fellow planeteer, in this. Not that Bruno will know that.]
Well?
[She's confident that she can include Abbacchio, her fellow planeteer, in this. Not that Bruno will know that.]
Well?
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