risorto: (✝ i feel it dear)
bruno buccellati ([personal profile] risorto) wrote2015-08-29 08:59 pm
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digiorno: <user name="sawakonosadako" site="tumblr.com"> (♛ i say take your time)

[personal profile] digiorno 2015-11-02 09:48 pm (UTC)(link)
[That look on his face, the honesty there, is so beautiful and so important that it really does make Giorno's chest hurt. He has no illusions that this conversation is going to be easy, and he's very tired and very sad and full of regrets, but Jotaro was right - this isn't going to tear them apart, and he has to trust in their bond in order to move forward.]

[So his smile fades a little, but not completely, and he pulls his own coffee forward but doesn't take a sip yet, just holds the warm thermos in his hands and watches the steam rise from the open lip.]


So.

I must have run into the cat. Anyway . . . what I forgot was you. Not everything about you, but that you died. I think my mind filled in the gaps, so that I assumed that you'd just left us after everything was over. Thinking that, I avoided you, less because I was angry and more because I felt you'd made your choice, and it was to stay away from me. From us. Mista and Trish, too. So why push it?

Izabel and I were together in the mirrors. We had to decide whether to save you . . .

[He sighs a little, blinking down at the surface of his coffee through the top of the thermos.]

And then I remembered, and I didn't really know what to do with the fact that I'd forgotten. I should have come to you sooner, probably, but I didn't, and that is what it is.
digiorno: (♛ i never meant for you)

[personal profile] digiorno 2015-11-02 10:33 pm (UTC)(link)
[He does take a sip of his coffee, then, as Bruno processes what he's said. As usual, it doesn't take that long. They do communicate well, the two of them, at least most of the time - best when they're talking about other people, or logistics instead of feelings. Bruno hears the things he says as well as the things he doesn't say, his intentions as well as his words.]

[He should have. But he didn't. And that is what it is, and he thinks that maybe he's learned from it. Learned a lot of things. Like how to admit that he's wrong.]


Honestly, I don't think that she's doing well. She came to me in a panic after misunderstanding something Jotaro said - well, it's up to her to tell you about that, but she's jumpy. And I am too.

[And Jotaro has taken the brunt of that from both of them. So that's another apology on his list.]

My intuition tells me that she needs a little more time. But ultimately that's a decision only you can make. Your relationship is between the two of you, and unless one of you proves to be a danger to the other, which you won't, it's not my responsibility or my place to get involved.

She's afraid. That's what I can tell you for sure. This, the idea of what happened to you, what I did to you, and having to see it like she did, it's hitting her a lot harder than she's letting on - until it gets to be too much and she snaps, like she did a few days ago.
digiorno: (♛ to fix yourself)

[personal profile] digiorno 2015-11-03 03:15 am (UTC)(link)
[It's difficult to listen to this. It's hard and it hurts, but he has to listen to it anyway - not for Bruno, or not just for Bruno, but for himself, because these are things he needs to hear. Just like last night he wanted to reach for Mista and took the hard way instead, because it was the right way, because he needed it. Healing hurts, sometimes.]

[So he listens, and he doesn't bother to hide the way he winces at certain parts - at peace, happy, nothing to forgive. Not because they're bad, but because they're overwhelming. One hand falls to his side, fingers curling in the sand; after a few moments, he nods.]


I appreciate you saying that. I think that . . . if there's one thing about the entire situation that I'm proud of, besides getting rid of Diavolo, besides keeping Mista and Trish safe, it's that. That you were able to find peace. That you were able to be happy, even if it was only for a few minutes.

At the same time - Izabel asked me if I was happy, if it was worth it, and I told her the truth: that I am sometimes, a lot of the time, that I love my life and my work and I love Mista and Trish with all of myself, but there's nothing in the world worth losing you. Any of you. And Abbacchio wasn't happy. And Narancia wasn't ready. In the end, what I wanted was to keep my family safe, and I wasn't able to do that.

[Another sigh, soft and almost muffled in the sound of the wind. He brushes a few stray hairs off of his face and looks out at the ocean.]

That wouldn't have been my first goal when I met you. It would have been a priority, but not the first one. I learned to connect, and that was good, but I never really learned how to let go. There was never anyone I cared about to let go of before.

[All of this is dancing around the point, of course. It's important, but it's not why he came here. And he doesn't want to lie, even by omission, so he looks at Bruno again and drops his chin slightly, not in submission but in acknowledgment of a mistake made.]

You know what I am by nature - that when I love people, when I want the best for them, I want to rearrange their lives to make them happy. As though they're dolls; as though I have some right to their memories or their pain or their connections. That is wrong, whether I mean it to be or not.

I'd like to apologize to you, if you're ready to hear an apology. But if you're not, I understand.
digiorno: (♛ we are the poisoned youth)

[personal profile] digiorno 2015-11-09 01:22 am (UTC)(link)
[He takes a moment before he speaks to gather his thoughts. It's true - not everything about loving another person is good. He doesn't know that, not know it in his bones like most people do, because up until very recently he didn't love anyone, not even himself. He never had anyone he'd kill for before, not until he met Bruno, never had someone he'd fight off men twice his size for. He didn't have a father he would die for.]

[Maybe he does now. But saying that won't help at all, and it isn't an apology. So he chooses to explain it a different way.]


I want to apologize for telling Abbacchio what it was your right to tell him. But more than that - I want to apologize for getting involved in something that isn't mine at all, in any way. Something that was there before I came along, something that will be there when I'm gone.

[For another moment he pauses, takes a sip of his coffee, and looks back at Bruno, serious and unsmiling.]

I was talking to Jotaro, and he said . . . there were things he didn't want to tell me because I would take them on as my responsibility. I told him he was right to do that, because he perceives some thing about me more clearly than I do, and I told him about what I told Abbacchio, too. So he asked me if you needed to be protected from Abbacchio - as a hypothetical, you understand, because he knew the answer would be no; he just wanted to understand why I thought I had to step in.

. . . I got so angry so quickly, I didn't even have time to realize he'd framed it as a hypothetical, something meant to alert me to a possible mistake. I just lost my temper. It was stupid. It could've been deadly stupid, if it were a different situation with someone less trustworthy. And I believe it was selfish, too, because I prioritized my fear of instability, of losing one or both of you, over doing what a leader should do and trusting you both to sort it out yourselves.

You were right. I had no right to take even the slightest ownership of either of your deaths, or of the sacrifices you made to protect the rest of us. It was unfair and unkind and unnecessary, because no matter what, I know - I do know - that the two of you will support each other in the end.

Being a leader is about more than ensuring the safety of the people you're leading. It's about more than control. It's about trusting those closest to you to make choices that are right, and offering help if it's asked for, but only if it's asked for. You've both more than proven yourselves to me, and Abbacchio's position in Passione should not be contingent on whether or not he's angry with me. It's his home; I should never have been careless enough to jeopardize it.

So I'm sorry for being a poor leader to both of you in all those ways, and if you'll allow me - now or in the future - I'd like to be the kind of leader you can trust. And the kind of friend you can trust, as well.
digiorno: (♛ finding that you're hiding in)

[personal profile] digiorno 2015-11-09 06:14 am (UTC)(link)
[Oh. Oh.]

[It wasn't what I needed either.]

[It's such a small thing, but all the same - he can't keep a shocked smile from spreading across his face. It's a small thing for most people, but for Bruno it's huge, and he's proud, really proud, of Bruno and Abbacchio for being exactly who they are, two of his favorite people in the whole world, his famiglia.]

[He thinks I'm really happy, but doesn't say it; it's not the time or the place. Maybe it's obvious, all the same. His wonderful family.]


I'm glad you got angry with me. It made me start thinking. And I'm glad you stayed angry even though I didn't listen right then. I wouldn't have gotten to this place without you telling me I was wrong. And . . .

I'm glad that he's here for you, and you're here for him. It wouldn't be right otherwise.
digiorno: (♛ bolder than the truth)

[personal profile] digiorno 2015-11-09 06:44 pm (UTC)(link)
[Giorno just kind of shrugs, like "eh, what can you do".]

I understand that. I've understood that for a while, really. And ordinarily that would be a problem, but I think for the people who were yours originally - they're always going to be yours. And that's all right. They're more important than allegiance to me. It's not about power, it's about making sure they're safe and secure. And happy, ideally.

[Although they're talking about Abbacchio, so.]

I'd like to wait for him, I think. I've intruded on his space enough.
digiorno: (♛ & who's in)

[personal profile] digiorno 2015-11-17 01:06 am (UTC)(link)
[They're all clever people anyway. They'll make their way in this, one way or another. He has faith in all of them just like he has faith in Bruno, and in himself.]

[Hardcore honesty about Abbacchio makes him smile faintly, just like Bruno does. He takes another sip of his coffee.]


And I don't want him to get pissed at me unless I do something to actually deserve it, this time.