[Abbacchio doesn't look up until Bruno touches his arm, and even then he looks up slowly, just listening. He doesn't move any more than that -- even if he wanted to, all of him feels heavy with the litany of reasons he does not deserve the trust and acceptance Bruno gives to him at all. He can't lift his other hand to touch Bruno's for the weight of it, although the weight on his arm is an entirely different kind that makes him want more than anything to move--
He stands there. He listens. It's strange but half of Bruno's words sound like they must be for someone else, so even though the words are a kind of appraisal, there's a lapse in time before they really sink in, a split-second to think.
Before arriving in this city someone whose forgiveness he can never convince himself he deserves told him he'd done well, that he'd managed to do the right thing finally. The fever dream of a dying man or no (honestly, he can believe only so many things), that's hung over him for weeks now as he wonders if it's true. He still doesn't know. But Bruno, Bruno is here and real, and even if Abbacchio doesn't think he'll ever deserve him either, he's going to try. To believe it or to be someone who doesn't have to convince himself, he's not sure yet--but something else has changed and he's only just realizing it now.
He can move, and lifts his hand to bump the back of it and his knuckles into Bruno's arm. (Honestly he's doing all he can manage in a single day, alright.) He takes a deep breath and breathes it out shortly, the barest suggestion of a laugh.]
You sure? I'm kind of an asshole.
[But he doesn't move his hand away. Bruno is so far ahead of him, but if Abbacchio can touch him like this then he must have done something worth doing to get here. Whatever that is. This.
Each of his promises to Bruno thus far has been focused on following him anywhere. If he's going to try, he can start there. What had Izabel said to him when they met? Something she meant about Giorno, but about someone who can forgive all of your bullshit-- Start there.]
... Buccellati, [but not there, no, apparently not] I'm with you. In this place, or wherever-- it's not "maybe," it's always.
[He waits a second or two, expecting and giving Abbacchio the space to take his hand back. But it remains there and all it takes is a subtle shift of Bruno's arm to cover Abbacchio's hand with his own. Something similar happened with Giorno when he reached out. Bruno's not exactly a tactile person by nature, but he has a hard time ignoring touch now and not taking advantage of the ability to feel someone else's warm hand in his. The difference here, however, is that Bruno doesn't take his hand back shortly after. He keeps it there.]
I know.
[In the same way he knew Abbacchio would show up here eventually, he knows Abbacchio will always be at his side come hell or high water. It's an implicit trust and faith he places in Abbacchio. He looks over his shoulder to meet Abbacchio's eyes again. He gives his hand just a light squeeze.]
I'll be okay.
[It's not a lie this time because he isn't making a concerted effort to makes or to minimize anything. It's the barest of admissions that Bruno isn't okay now. It's a faint hope that he will, indeed, be okay eventually. Because he needs to be. Because he wants to be. He just hasn't figured out how to be yet, how to get there or what it will even look like. And that's been a part of his seemingly endless silence and brush-offs in response to any concern. He hasn't had any words for any of it until now. So, even though the ones he gives Abbacchio now are somewhat vague and nebulous in their shape and meaning, they're better than what he's had since he found himself here.]
[Likewise, Abbacchio waits, assuming Bruno's hand in his will be another brief contact like the touch to his arm before. When it isn't he relaxes - he doesn't actually remember tensing up - just minutely, letting his grip fit more naturally against Bruno's in the same moment his hand is squeezed.
He is not going to say a word about that, lest he shatter whatever it is that's inspired Bruno to take his hand. Instead he focuses on the rest; 'I'll be okay.' This one he believes, with everything unsaid backing it. The resolution is a long way off and any number of things can go wrong, and quickly, but if these intangible somethings - Bruno's will to be okay and his own private, uncertain resolve to try - are where they have to start, then that's that.
They still aren't done. But even Abbacchio can see that this is better than spinning wheels and going nowhere. Maybe for now the hows and whens can be left to be worked out in due time.
Or maybe Abbacchio is drained, and the intangibles can't hold his interest quite like the very tangible feel of a hand on his, and there isn't anything he can pick out to argue over in that admission, anyway.]
I know. [I trust you. He considers then adds,] That's probably enough to satisfy the rest if they start in again.
[This is Abbacchio #trying. But honestly, he lacks all of the demand his voice carried in the earlier part of this conversation - that if is important.]
[Bruno's smile is slight, but it's genuine as it reaches his eyes.]
Let's hope so because I think the next person who asks after my well-being but doesn't accept my answer is getting their mouth zipped shut.
[He's joking. Mostly.]
[Having Abbacchio accept things as they are right now, trusting him, and letting it go for now is enough though to smooth over most of Bruno's irritation. He's been aware that he's needed each of those things at some point or another, but he couldn't have predicted how much he needed all of them at once. It doesn't fix everything, of course, but calling it a relief still seems like an understatement.]
[He pushes off the railing. In doing so, he lets their hands lower, but he still hasn't let go.]
I think it's going to be an early night for me. Are you coming?
[No lie though, call him first if someone's getting their mouth zipped shut. He quirks an eyebrow at that, amused for all he still doesn't laugh. That Bruno's willing to table this discussion for now with something light-hearted relieves Abbacchio in a way he didn't anticipate. He hadn't actually thought this through until the end - throwing the issue down and waiting to see what reaction he got was about all the planning he did. It would have been incredibly easy to make things worse and he's so, so relieved that he didn't. Bruno is alright and will be better; enough.
All things considered, this moment could be a lot more tense. The only thing that qualifies is Abbacchio's focus zeroing in on their hands as he steps away from the railing himself, but another moment is all it takes for his grip to relax again.]
As riveting as standing out here alone in the dark would be, [he gives the railing one last pat with his free hand, like it's a dear friend that really helped out with this.] I'm ready to go.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
evening action; 10/27
He stands there. He listens. It's strange but half of Bruno's words sound like they must be for someone else, so even though the words are a kind of appraisal, there's a lapse in time before they really sink in, a split-second to think.
Before arriving in this city someone whose forgiveness he can never convince himself he deserves told him he'd done well, that he'd managed to do the right thing finally. The fever dream of a dying man or no (honestly, he can believe only so many things), that's hung over him for weeks now as he wonders if it's true. He still doesn't know. But Bruno, Bruno is here and real, and even if Abbacchio doesn't think he'll ever deserve him either, he's going to try. To believe it or to be someone who doesn't have to convince himself, he's not sure yet--but something else has changed and he's only just realizing it now.
He can move, and lifts his hand to bump the back of it and his knuckles into Bruno's arm. (Honestly he's doing all he can manage in a single day, alright.) He takes a deep breath and breathes it out shortly, the barest suggestion of a laugh.]
You sure? I'm kind of an asshole.
[But he doesn't move his hand away. Bruno is so far ahead of him, but if Abbacchio can touch him like this then he must have done something worth doing to get here. Whatever that is. This.
Each of his promises to Bruno thus far has been focused on following him anywhere. If he's going to try, he can start there. What had Izabel said to him when they met? Something she meant about Giorno, but about someone who can forgive all of your bullshit-- Start there.]
... Buccellati, [but not there, no, apparently not] I'm with you. In this place, or wherever-- it's not "maybe," it's always.
evening action; 10/27
I know.
[In the same way he knew Abbacchio would show up here eventually, he knows Abbacchio will always be at his side come hell or high water. It's an implicit trust and faith he places in Abbacchio. He looks over his shoulder to meet Abbacchio's eyes again. He gives his hand just a light squeeze.]
I'll be okay.
[It's not a lie this time because he isn't making a concerted effort to makes or to minimize anything. It's the barest of admissions that Bruno isn't okay now. It's a faint hope that he will, indeed, be okay eventually. Because he needs to be. Because he wants to be. He just hasn't figured out how to be yet, how to get there or what it will even look like. And that's been a part of his seemingly endless silence and brush-offs in response to any concern. He hasn't had any words for any of it until now. So, even though the ones he gives Abbacchio now are somewhat vague and nebulous in their shape and meaning, they're better than what he's had since he found himself here.]
[It's a start.]
evening action; 10/27
He is not going to say a word about that, lest he shatter whatever it is that's inspired Bruno to take his hand. Instead he focuses on the rest; 'I'll be okay.' This one he believes, with everything unsaid backing it. The resolution is a long way off and any number of things can go wrong, and quickly, but if these intangible somethings - Bruno's will to be okay and his own private, uncertain resolve to try - are where they have to start, then that's that.
They still aren't done. But even Abbacchio can see that this is better than spinning wheels and going nowhere. Maybe for now the hows and whens can be left to be worked out in due time.
Or maybe Abbacchio is drained, and the intangibles can't hold his interest quite like the very tangible feel of a hand on his, and there isn't anything he can pick out to argue over in that admission, anyway.]
I know. [I trust you. He considers then adds,] That's probably enough to satisfy the rest if they start in again.
[This is Abbacchio #trying. But honestly, he lacks all of the demand his voice carried in the earlier part of this conversation - that if is important.]
evening action; 10/27
Let's hope so because I think the next person who asks after my well-being but doesn't accept my answer is getting their mouth zipped shut.
[He's joking.
Mostly.][Having Abbacchio accept things as they are right now, trusting him, and letting it go for now is enough though to smooth over most of Bruno's irritation. He's been aware that he's needed each of those things at some point or another, but he couldn't have predicted how much he needed all of them at once. It doesn't fix everything, of course, but calling it a relief still seems like an understatement.]
[He pushes off the railing. In doing so, he lets their hands lower, but he still hasn't let go.]
I think it's going to be an early night for me. Are you coming?
evening action; 10/27
All things considered, this moment could be a lot more tense. The only thing that qualifies is Abbacchio's focus zeroing in on their hands as he steps away from the railing himself, but another moment is all it takes for his grip to relax again.]
As riveting as standing out here alone in the dark would be, [he gives the railing one last pat with his free hand, like it's a dear friend that really helped out with this.] I'm ready to go.