[Giorno has no way of knowing it. Bruno keeps these things to himself too much for Giorno to know. But he's given voice exactly to one of Bruno's fears.]
[There's never been any doubt in Bruno's mind that some day, Giorno will go back. Giorno has a way of finding his place, where he is meant and supposed to be. This will be no exception. But there is no going back for Bruno. There's this and there's oblivion. (The latter does not terrify him in the least. If anything, there's something oddly comforting about know what exactly awaits him on the other side of this place rather than having to stare down an unknown element.) But Giorno is returning to a life that comes with responsibilities and dangers that he has to be always prepared to handle. One misstep may not only mean his demise, but that of Trish, Mista, and anyone else who swore loyalty and meant it. Bruno holding any influence over Giorno and Giorno holding onto his attachments to Bruno disrupts Giorno's natural growth, the path he is meant to walk.]
[Bruno recognizes there's the potential that it's a good thing or at least parts of it can be good. He trusts his own instincts and has been at the business of looking after others for a long time now, after all. But it's a fine line--perhaps finer than Giorno wants to recognize--between being helpful and fostering responsibility over and dependency with someone who is no longer there and cannot matter in the same way anymore.]
[But, of course, Bruno gives no voice to these concerns himself. He sits with them on his own even as Giorno places a hand on the back of his arm. Even as Bruno covers that hand with one of his own because just a couple months ago, he wouldn't have been aware of the touch at all. Because Giorno touches him more frequently lately as little reminders that Bruno is there. He touches back for Giorno, his hand falling away before it can become self-indulgent.]
I'd like to see this family whole again.
[Even if only for a little while.]
I can't make any guarantees or promises that Abbacchio will stop blaming you or learn to forgive you. But if he's going to stop resenting you, you have to stop giving him permission. [He looks over at Giorno again finally.] To do that, you're going to have to stop blaming yourself as much.
[He has no way of knowing what Bruno is thinking. Of course he doesn't. He's powerful, but not omnipotent; he can't know that, no matter how much he might want to. What he does know is that Bruno is vulnerable right now, vulnerable and angry, no matter how much he might want to paint himself otherwise. If he were a crueller person, he could probably crack him open with very little effort.]
[But this is enough for today. This, for this moment, after everything that's happened, is enough. He squeezes Bruno's arm again, meets his eyes, and nods, because - it's true. They were both right. And there's nothing more important than family, is there?]
Would you believe me if I said that I was trying? That I'm doing better than I was.
[Which is the truth. He is trying, every day, so hard.]
[Bruno says this easily with a small nod. Even if he wasn't trying, time would allow for him to do better. Time doesn't heal all wounds as the old saying goes, but it certainly makes it easier to bear them after a while.]
[But he believes Giorno when he says he's trying. Trying doesn't mean getting it right or not making mistakes. It simply means trying. It would be ideal for him to get it right the first time, to absolve himself of the guilt and blame he carries that he doesn't need to, but everyone must start somewhere.]
The space is for your sake, too, you know. Until it gets easier.
[Abbacchio may more blatantly need the space, but that doesn't mean Giorno didn't need time to adjust himself. It's not a one-way relationship where Abbacchio needs to learn to cope with the changes to the hierarchy. Giorno needs time to settle into having someone who will blatantly disagree (admittedly sometimes out of childish pettiness) and how to listen without patronizing or getting wrapped up in the emotions behind it.]
[That actually manages to take him by surprise. To his credit, he realizes as soon as it does that it shouldn't have - that the assumption that he doesn't need time to settle into a reality that contains Abbacchio again is another example of him blaming himself, really, refusing to allow himself space to grieve.]
[He told Abbacchio that it was good to see him again. He meant that. It's good to see him, even though it hurts. He can't tell if Abbacchio is angry about that because he thinks it's a lie or because he thinks it's true.]
[He breathes in sharply, out through his nose, then nods, letting his hand fall back to his side.]
Thank you. I . . . [Well. Why lie?] I think I needed to hear that.
[Because he is hurt. He is grieving. He does need time to heal, even if it's quietly and subtly and in his own way. Just because they're different, so different, doesn't mean that none of their needs overlap.]
Mista will take care of me. Like he always does.
[He glances at Bruno then, tips his chin up with a mix of hope and certainty in his eyes, and his expression says And you will take care of Abbacchio, like you always do.]
[There are a number of things Giorno probably needs to hear, Bruno muses. He acts the part of a man and does well at it, but he is still a boy at the end of the day. It's that particular fact that Giorno forgets with a great deal of frequency as does everyone in Bruno's team. It's safer, usually, for them to avoid it and think of themselves as men. It's far more empowering to buy into the image of someone who is capable and strong until it becomes tangible. Most of the time, Bruno is content to allow this to rest. But Giorno must be more self-aware, more mindful of himself than others with his position because others certainly will be.]
[As for when it comes to Abbacchio's well-being, Giorno doesn't have much to worry about so long as Bruno is there. But Bruno doesn't bother making promises for givens. Instead, his lips curve just ever so slightly in faint amusement.]
As I'm sure he won't hesitate to tell me himself when I speak to him again.
[Never let it be said that Mista isn't fully aware of what he's supposed to do and damn proud of it.]
[He is learning. He is trying. But there are only so many steps you can take at once before you trip over yourself. So he tries and tries, but he doesn't reach perfection immediately - and because of who he is, that frustrates him. He tries to act like a man, a leader, and most of the time he does very well, but not always; that frustrates him, too.]
[Someday he'll allow himself to be imperfect. Until then, he needs reminders.]
I think he forgets that it's my job to take care of him, too.
Well, you know Mista. His attention is sometimes a little difficult to maintain on more than one thing at a time. [Which can be both a good and bad thing. And more often than not at least mildly entertaining.] As long as you don't forget, that's what will matter the most.
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[There's never been any doubt in Bruno's mind that some day, Giorno will go back. Giorno has a way of finding his place, where he is meant and supposed to be. This will be no exception. But there is no going back for Bruno. There's this and there's oblivion. (The latter does not terrify him in the least. If anything, there's something oddly comforting about know what exactly awaits him on the other side of this place rather than having to stare down an unknown element.) But Giorno is returning to a life that comes with responsibilities and dangers that he has to be always prepared to handle. One misstep may not only mean his demise, but that of Trish, Mista, and anyone else who swore loyalty and meant it. Bruno holding any influence over Giorno and Giorno holding onto his attachments to Bruno disrupts Giorno's natural growth, the path he is meant to walk.]
[Bruno recognizes there's the potential that it's a good thing or at least parts of it can be good. He trusts his own instincts and has been at the business of looking after others for a long time now, after all. But it's a fine line--perhaps finer than Giorno wants to recognize--between being helpful and fostering responsibility over and dependency with someone who is no longer there and cannot matter in the same way anymore.]
[But, of course, Bruno gives no voice to these concerns himself. He sits with them on his own even as Giorno places a hand on the back of his arm. Even as Bruno covers that hand with one of his own because just a couple months ago, he wouldn't have been aware of the touch at all. Because Giorno touches him more frequently lately as little reminders that Bruno is there. He touches back for Giorno, his hand falling away before it can become self-indulgent.]
I'd like to see this family whole again.
[Even if only for a little while.]
I can't make any guarantees or promises that Abbacchio will stop blaming you or learn to forgive you. But if he's going to stop resenting you, you have to stop giving him permission. [He looks over at Giorno again finally.] To do that, you're going to have to stop blaming yourself as much.
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[But this is enough for today. This, for this moment, after everything that's happened, is enough. He squeezes Bruno's arm again, meets his eyes, and nods, because - it's true. They were both right. And there's nothing more important than family, is there?]
Would you believe me if I said that I was trying? That I'm doing better than I was.
[Which is the truth. He is trying, every day, so hard.]
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[Bruno says this easily with a small nod. Even if he wasn't trying, time would allow for him to do better. Time doesn't heal all wounds as the old saying goes, but it certainly makes it easier to bear them after a while.]
[But he believes Giorno when he says he's trying. Trying doesn't mean getting it right or not making mistakes. It simply means trying. It would be ideal for him to get it right the first time, to absolve himself of the guilt and blame he carries that he doesn't need to, but everyone must start somewhere.]
The space is for your sake, too, you know. Until it gets easier.
[Abbacchio may more blatantly need the space, but that doesn't mean Giorno didn't need time to adjust himself. It's not a one-way relationship where Abbacchio needs to learn to cope with the changes to the hierarchy. Giorno needs time to settle into having someone who will blatantly disagree (admittedly sometimes out of childish pettiness) and how to listen without patronizing or getting wrapped up in the emotions behind it.]
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[He told Abbacchio that it was good to see him again. He meant that. It's good to see him, even though it hurts. He can't tell if Abbacchio is angry about that because he thinks it's a lie or because he thinks it's true.]
[He breathes in sharply, out through his nose, then nods, letting his hand fall back to his side.]
Thank you. I . . . [Well. Why lie?] I think I needed to hear that.
[Because he is hurt. He is grieving. He does need time to heal, even if it's quietly and subtly and in his own way. Just because they're different, so different, doesn't mean that none of their needs overlap.]
Mista will take care of me. Like he always does.
[He glances at Bruno then, tips his chin up with a mix of hope and certainty in his eyes, and his expression says And you will take care of Abbacchio, like you always do.]
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[As for when it comes to Abbacchio's well-being, Giorno doesn't have much to worry about so long as Bruno is there. But Bruno doesn't bother making promises for givens. Instead, his lips curve just ever so slightly in faint amusement.]
As I'm sure he won't hesitate to tell me himself when I speak to him again.
[Never let it be said that Mista isn't fully aware of what he's supposed to do and damn proud of it.]
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[Someday he'll allow himself to be imperfect. Until then, he needs reminders.]
I think he forgets that it's my job to take care of him, too.
[There's a common theme here, one might notice.]
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Well, you know Mista. His attention is sometimes a little difficult to maintain on more than one thing at a time. [Which can be both a good and bad thing. And more often than not at least mildly entertaining.] As long as you don't forget, that's what will matter the most.