[It's difficult to listen to this. It's hard and it hurts, but he has to listen to it anyway - not for Bruno, or not just for Bruno, but for himself, because these are things he needs to hear. Just like last night he wanted to reach for Mista and took the hard way instead, because it was the right way, because he needed it. Healing hurts, sometimes.]
[So he listens, and he doesn't bother to hide the way he winces at certain parts - at peace, happy, nothing to forgive. Not because they're bad, but because they're overwhelming. One hand falls to his side, fingers curling in the sand; after a few moments, he nods.]
I appreciate you saying that. I think that . . . if there's one thing about the entire situation that I'm proud of, besides getting rid of Diavolo, besides keeping Mista and Trish safe, it's that. That you were able to find peace. That you were able to be happy, even if it was only for a few minutes.
At the same time - Izabel asked me if I was happy, if it was worth it, and I told her the truth: that I am sometimes, a lot of the time, that I love my life and my work and I love Mista and Trish with all of myself, but there's nothing in the world worth losing you. Any of you. And Abbacchio wasn't happy. And Narancia wasn't ready. In the end, what I wanted was to keep my family safe, and I wasn't able to do that.
[Another sigh, soft and almost muffled in the sound of the wind. He brushes a few stray hairs off of his face and looks out at the ocean.]
That wouldn't have been my first goal when I met you. It would have been a priority, but not the first one. I learned to connect, and that was good, but I never really learned how to let go. There was never anyone I cared about to let go of before.
[All of this is dancing around the point, of course. It's important, but it's not why he came here. And he doesn't want to lie, even by omission, so he looks at Bruno again and drops his chin slightly, not in submission but in acknowledgment of a mistake made.]
You know what I am by nature - that when I love people, when I want the best for them, I want to rearrange their lives to make them happy. As though they're dolls; as though I have some right to their memories or their pain or their connections. That is wrong, whether I mean it to be or not.
I'd like to apologize to you, if you're ready to hear an apology. But if you're not, I understand.
no subject
[So he listens, and he doesn't bother to hide the way he winces at certain parts - at peace, happy, nothing to forgive. Not because they're bad, but because they're overwhelming. One hand falls to his side, fingers curling in the sand; after a few moments, he nods.]
I appreciate you saying that. I think that . . . if there's one thing about the entire situation that I'm proud of, besides getting rid of Diavolo, besides keeping Mista and Trish safe, it's that. That you were able to find peace. That you were able to be happy, even if it was only for a few minutes.
At the same time - Izabel asked me if I was happy, if it was worth it, and I told her the truth: that I am sometimes, a lot of the time, that I love my life and my work and I love Mista and Trish with all of myself, but there's nothing in the world worth losing you. Any of you. And Abbacchio wasn't happy. And Narancia wasn't ready. In the end, what I wanted was to keep my family safe, and I wasn't able to do that.
[Another sigh, soft and almost muffled in the sound of the wind. He brushes a few stray hairs off of his face and looks out at the ocean.]
That wouldn't have been my first goal when I met you. It would have been a priority, but not the first one. I learned to connect, and that was good, but I never really learned how to let go. There was never anyone I cared about to let go of before.
[All of this is dancing around the point, of course. It's important, but it's not why he came here. And he doesn't want to lie, even by omission, so he looks at Bruno again and drops his chin slightly, not in submission but in acknowledgment of a mistake made.]
You know what I am by nature - that when I love people, when I want the best for them, I want to rearrange their lives to make them happy. As though they're dolls; as though I have some right to their memories or their pain or their connections. That is wrong, whether I mean it to be or not.
I'd like to apologize to you, if you're ready to hear an apology. But if you're not, I understand.