risorto | {ic inbox}

Good. They'd better.

[She snakes her arms around Sticky Fingers's neck instead, resting more bodily against him.]

Then I can stay like this for a while longer.

[Happy ghost.]

Mm.

[She hums her agreement, but it's a complicated, bittersweet thing she feels alongside it. A true mother always wants their child to grow up strong, yet the loss of innocence that naturally follows is something to be held off for as long as possible. Having it ripped away so suddenly by forces beyond her control is even worse. ... But again, those are thoughts she keeps to herself, choosing to focus on the positives, as always.]

I think you're right. You've got a pretty good eye for that sort of thing, don't you?

[She doesn't need a 'yes' to know that he does. Jotaro probably wouldn't trust him so much if he didn't]

[There are a number of things Giorno probably needs to hear, Bruno muses. He acts the part of a man and does well at it, but he is still a boy at the end of the day. It's that particular fact that Giorno forgets with a great deal of frequency as does everyone in Bruno's team. It's safer, usually, for them to avoid it and think of themselves as men. It's far more empowering to buy into the image of someone who is capable and strong until it becomes tangible. Most of the time, Bruno is content to allow this to rest. But Giorno must be more self-aware, more mindful of himself than others with his position because others certainly will be.]

[As for when it comes to Abbacchio's well-being, Giorno doesn't have much to worry about so long as Bruno is there. But Bruno doesn't bother making promises for givens. Instead, his lips curve just ever so slightly in faint amusement.]

As I'm sure he won't hesitate to tell me himself when I speak to him again.

[Never let it be said that Mista isn't fully aware of what he's supposed to do and damn proud of it.]

[As with most of Bruno's overt expressions of emotion, using the word overt to describe his surprise is a little generous. Still, it crosses his face just briefly the moment she wraps her arms around Sticky Fingers' neck, feeling the slight weight around his own neck. It's a thing he wasn't expecting, but okay. We're in there. Sticky Fingers wraps a protective arm around her.]

You can stay as long as you like, stellina.

[Well, it's a good thing she doesn't need that 'yes.' Bruno's not the type to give a direct answer to something like that. He's aware that most people don't see what he sees when he looks at people because he's often looking to the people who have been cast aside. For one reason or another, they've been forgotten. But even with that in mind, he doesn't see what he does as anything particularly special. To him, it's something anyone could do if they had the mind for it.]

[He chuckles softly.]

I suppose you could say that. But these things are fairly obvious if you spend a significant amount of time with either of them.

Mmn. Don't be silly. [She's definitely not moving though, and sounds content.] You have to sleep eventually.

Thank you, though. I'm happy to hear that.

[All things considered, he should probably not put the watch down from talking to Izabel and then immediately pick it back up in frustration again. Maybe give it an hour or a day, cool his head, think of the Right Words for what he's going to start now.

But maybe that would actually be useless, so: winging it.]

When the hell are you coming back here?

[...Well, hello to you, too, Abbacchio. He wasn't expecting a call tonight and not such an abrupt question either. At least not that abrupt question as even Abbacchio's questions come with a small display of force more often than not.]

Not for a while. Why?

[He assumes there's a reason for the call anyway. It's not like Abbacchio to give random check-ins. So, what fire does he need to put out this time?]

[A while-- that's all very well and good, but Abbacchio would rather not sit around waiting. And if taking the direct approach through a medium that isn't face-to-face will get him anything but Bruno ignoring it entirely, well, he'd be surprised.]

Cabin fever. I'll come to you instead.

[He leaves off the actual question because of course he does. Please, let him interrupt.]

[Cabin fever.]

[Uh-huh.]

[Yeah, Bruno doesn't buy that. It's just a matter of whether or not he's going to be willing to let it slide or not. Bruno's silent for a few seconds as he tries to reach a decision about that.]

That sounds like some intense cabin fever. [In other words, I know you're being full of shit right now and I expect an explanation. Something clearly isn't necessarily wrong, but certainly not right. Bruno would prefer Abbacchio just get on with saying what it is in his usual blunt manner rather than beating around the bush like this, but if it takes a little coaxing and patience then fine.] I'll meet you on the easternmost bridge.

[Subtlety will never be Abbacchio's strong suit, but he's not trying to be subtle. He's trying to get this conversation off the watches, and look - he did. Great.

Now that they've not-covered how full of shit he is, his end of the call is quiet for a moment save for the sound of creaking furniture as he gets up.]

I'll be there soon.

[And that's that, because he's not going to make smalltalk on the way, like hell; his walk out and to the bridge in question is brisk and businesslike the way an angry mob is businesslike. Even in the semidarkness it's obvious he has something to say.]

[Bruno is leaning on the railing of the bridge when Abbacchio shows up. Even out of the corner of his eye, Bruno can see Abbacchio's movement enough to see his pace confirms the earlier subtle accusation that cabin fever wasn't even close to the whole truth. Something has Abbacchio on edge.]

[So Bruno says nothing. He'll let Abbacchio talk. The only thing he does is straighten, leaving a hand on the railing as he turns to face him. The motion is smooth and calm because one of them needs to be. Or at the very least, needs to remain that way. Abbacchio appears to be holding it together for now, but depending on what it is he wants to say, that may or may not last. Bruno looks at him expectantly, waiting to find out what's got him on such a tear.]

[It's definitely because Izabel pointed it out, but each calm and collected movement from Bruno is suddenly a bother. Abbacchio isn't an idiot - he knows a grand total of none of them are okay when it comes to just how many of them are dead (but-not-anymore), but he's been willing to leave it alone until now. Maybe Bruno will sort it out himself, the way he's so adroit at sorting out everyone else. Or maybe Abbacchio has been absorbed in his own problems so much that he's been a shitty member of this family to more than just Giorno.

Regardless, Izabel has pointed it out--the polished motions, the practiced calm--and now that Abbacchio has to look at him and acknowledge it, it's maddening. He reaches Bruno and stops in front of him, skipping the preamble again to get to the point now,]

How long are you going to keep pretending you're still dead?

[He tries not to, but Bruno already feels exasperated with this conversation before it's even really begun. It's nothing particularly personal towards Abbacchio, it's simply that this conversation has been had before with Giorno. Jotaro's avoided it as Bruno would expect, but it's been just beneath the surface of a few of their conversation. Izabel's backed away from it in the past, accepting what he's said on the matter even if it's with some skepticism. Even Mista--Mista of all people--has tried to initiate this conversation with Bruno.]

[And now Abbacchio as well.]

[Bruno's exasperation never fully reaches the surface, but he subtly rests his weight back on a hip away from Abbacchio.]

Meaning?

Edited (it's almost 1am ssshhh) 2015-10-31 04:47 (UTC)

[Abbacchio by contrast is nothing but visibly restrained emotion already. He leans against the railing and then away from it a second later, folding his arms across his chest and frowning. That Bruno gives him nothing but a word, and not even a useful one, only cements further for him that this conversation is very, very necessary. He doesn't even get a denial?

Alright. He holds up a hand.]

Giorno bullshits me, Buccellati, not you. Do me the favor of not starting now.

[This is about Bruno, but specifically not about being delicate and backing off when it's implied that should be done.]

Meaning nobody gains anything from you acting like all this is normal. So.

[Soooo.]

[Bruno looks aside for a moment while Abbacchio is talking to look out over the water. The tension in his jaw is obscured partially by his hair, but there's little he can do to hide the hardness that's beginning to grow in his eyes.]

And the alternative of dwelling on it? [Bruno looks at Abbacchio again.] What does that do for anyone?

Say I do it your way. Say I say everything all of you are expecting and wanting to hear from me and none of it's true. What does that do? What does it change? Because... [Bruno shakes his head a little, shrugging his shoulders.] I'm not seeing the benefit.

[Outside of maybe getting everyone to stop trying to have a conversation about what doesn't need to be talked about. Maybe. Bruno's actually more certain it will only serve as a distraction. But it's all Bruno wants at this point. He just wants them to let it go and move on. It doesn't need to be a weight that they carry around with them all the time.]

[Well. Abbacchio folds his arms again, listening. Yet again Bruno is putting too much focus on the rest of them, on What does that do for anyone?, and that isn't the point. That was never actually the point--Abbacchio thinks he can safely assume that for all of them, that no one has gone to Bruno looking to cover their own bad feelings with some pretty lies.

And he just said not to bullshit him, and everything.]

What do you think everyone wants you to say? Honestly, tell me, because I have no fucking idea what you're talking about. You think we all got together and picked a magic word and the winner gets a goddamn prize?

[Maybe that's exaggerating. Come on, though; even suggesting lying to appease them is a bit much. Abbacchio needs a moment to rein it in anyway, looking away, jaw clenched tight.

It's difficult, truthfully, to argue. Bruno is usually right. But what the fuck does "benefit" have to do with anything? This isn't a zero-sum game; none of that is the point. Somehow he speaks with markedly less aggression when he continues,]

I don't know what kind of change you're looking for. Or not looking for. I don't know what you think would be worth it. What I do know is that I'm standing on a bridge in the dark and I might as well be talking to the water because I don't think you're really here.

[The hand at Bruno's side curls slowly into a fist. It's not, however, out of anger or frustration. It just creates a small amount of tension in his arm, pressure from his fingertips on his palm. Sensation. He's not reaching for his pulse or letting himself be distracted by his breath. He just feels that momentary sensation before his hand relaxes once again.]

I am here.

[But it's always a question, always a concern. At night, if he was still awake, he'd hear his door creak open softly a couple of hours after he had gotten into bed. He'd never look to see who it was, Mista or Giorno, but he'd deepen his breaths to create just enough movement to be seen until the door clicked quietly shut again. If the moment were the same as the present but with Giorno instead, he'd already feel an almost childlike grip on his arm by now. Even Bruno sometimes needs reassurances every now and again that he's here.]

[But he is. He is.]

Trust me, I know the difference. Things aren't the same or what they used to be, [they can't be,] but I'm here.

[That, Abbacchio thinks, is one of those things they all want to hear. He can't deny hearing that sends a twinge of relief through him. It does. That's fine, that doesn't negate or turn over anything he's been saying. But they're not done yet - "here" is a start, not a marker of some finality to this discussion. Which "here" is it--physically? Right now, because someone's insisted, but maybe not later? Bruno was there still the first time he died but he came back wrong, and what else is he not sharing for the sake of forcing them all to move on?]

I don't believe you. Why don't I believe you?

[The words, the literal words make perfect sense. Separately, believing Buccellati knows what he's talking about and knowing things aren't what they used to be are perfectly fine facts, but put together something catches at the back of his mind and won't let go. Abbacchio doesn't want to say he understands the same nebulous feeling of being-dead-but-not-anymore because he doesn't, not in precisely the same way.

But Bruno Buccellati is just a man, and man isn't meant to leave things unacknowledged, leave greater things unsaid. Abbacchio looks at him and wonders when Bruno the man eclipsed Buccellati the leader, the linchpin, the operative. If those can coexist still with nothing the same as before.

Strong-arming him into this conversation isn't kind to either. With Passione as shaken up as it is now, Abbacchio has the abrupt thought that if left for too long, something's going to break without room to restructure itself. That one he can even say he understands. Whatever fractures can't be Bruno, for all of their sake.]

You know I want to believe you. That's a given. But I'm not out here for me, so which one of us are you trying to convince?

[Bruno tamps down on the impulse to say he doesn't need convincing. It wouldn't be a complete lie. Most days, he doesn't. He can say that honestly. Bruno doesn't stay awake at night over it. He doesn't dream about it. He doesn't obsess over it. Not usually. But there are days and times he catches himself. Fingers find their way to his pulse points at his wrists. He moves with his breath in and out. He can't bring himself to look down. He finds himself watching or looking at something he might normally only give a passing glance. He lingers for a while on the food he eats, the taste and texture. He feels his skin crawl at how idle he's been lately as a sharp contrast to how he only had just enough time to keep everyone moving.]

[It happens sometimes. But only sometimes.]

Only one of us is challenging me on it right now and it's not me, Abbacchio.

[Abbacchio looks off to the side again, grinding his teeth before he loses his temper and this entire conversation falls apart. He wants to object and insist he's not challenging, that would imply again that someone's going to win or lose and that's still not the point--but part of it is still a challenge of a lesser kind. Murkier.

So. Fine. He'll concede to "challenging."]

Well, it looks like you're not going to, so it's going to have to be me. Can you answer me without circling around how pissed you are?

If you already know, why do I need to say anything about it? Why ask?

[Bruno isn't being obtuse. They're genuine questions. He's angry. So what? What good is that anger going to do? Talking about it isn't going to make him less angry. It isn't going to change circumstances (past or present) any. Nor is being angry going to help him do what needs doing. He's acknowledge it a handful of times to himself, but that should be enough. He acknowledges it and then he moves on to focus on what's in front of him instead. As far as Bruno is concerned, that's all that needs to happen with his anger.]

Oh, for-- [Goddamn it.] Because it doesn't go away just because you want it to.

[Yet again, the point isn't that Abbacchio knows. Giorno knows, and look where that's gotten him-- This touch-and-go approach, this roundabout method where they keep dipping into acknowledging anger and whatever else and then leaving it alone is as pointless as not acknowledging it at all. Abbacchio of all people knows what it's like to look something in the face and then leave it alone to resolve itself. It doesn't. It rots there and lingers, making moving forward without it a faraway possibility. Wanting something doesn't make it real.]

Why do you listen to me when I'm being an asshole? Or Giorno when he wants to save the world, or Izabel and whatever weird shit she comes up with? [no offense Izabel] I don't know what's so damn impossible about letting someone do the same thing for you.

[Bruno looks away again. This time he turns, folding his arms and leaning on the railing with tension in his shoulders. He lifts a hand, resting his forehead against it and closes his eyes. He's wrong in that Bruno can actually will away what he feels when he needs to. Bruno does it all the time. He has to. But Abbacchio is right he can't make it stay away.]

What's so damn impossible... Abbacchio, tell me, who the hell do you think is still keeping us together? [He lifts his head and looks at Abbacchio over his shoulder.] Giorno's supposed to, but he sure as hell isn't. He's barely keeping himself together lately. And who do you think is going to tell him that? Mista agrees to everything and can't find anything wrong with Giorno or his decisions most of the time. You disagree out of spite and nitpick just to keep the petty bullshit grudge you have built up alive and well.

So, who does that leave? [He straightens, leaving his hands on the railing.] Don't misunderstand. I don't resent anyone or the position I'm in. If I did, I wouldn't bother with any of it. But I'm doing what I've always done and now, all of a sudden, each of you want to complain that I'm supposedly not doing enough for myself. You want me to take care of things whether you'd ever say it explicitly or not, but you don't want to trust me to look after myself. You don't want to listen to me when I say there's nothing to worry about because what you think I should be feeling and going doesn't match up to reality. And that's what makes it so damn impossible.

So, yes. If you really want to know, I'm pissed. But I can either be pissed off and continue to be until I can't stand it or anyone, myself included, or I can hold onto what matters, let go of the anger, and keep moving forward.

[He is learning. He is trying. But there are only so many steps you can take at once before you trip over yourself. So he tries and tries, but he doesn't reach perfection immediately - and because of who he is, that frustrates him. He tries to act like a man, a leader, and most of the time he does very well, but not always; that frustrates him, too.]

[Someday he'll allow himself to be imperfect. Until then, he needs reminders.]

I think he forgets that it's my job to take care of him, too.

[There's a common theme here, one might notice.]

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